I grew up without my mother by my side so I do not have many childhood memories with her. For most of my life I was mad at her . I blamed her for not being there for me when I needed a hand to hold, a touch to feel, an arm to run to, and a friend to lean on. My immature self thought it was all her fault but finally I have learned that it was never her fault. It was all just meant to be. I have finally forgiven her for not being there for me and myself for being mad at her. It was so selfish of me for expecting her to be the mother I wanted her to be when she was already a perfect mother in her own way.
She became my mother when she was just 15 and my sister was born when she was just 17. By the age of 20 she had lost both her parents to death and her husband (My dad) to divorce. I can’t imagine how difficult that phase of life was for her. But I was too selfish and immature to have been able to understand her. I was mad at her for not being the mother that I wanted her to be but I never tried to see things from her perspective. She was doing her best to be a good mother but I seemed to have taken away her rights to live her life the way she wanted. Apart from being a mother she was also a young girl trying to find herself. At that age I was lost and was making very immature decisions but the only difference was that I had no one to blame me for being a 20 year old.
As women we have come a long way and we have started walking shoulder to shoulder with men and fighting for our rights. It’s time we also start giving our mothers the right to take care of their own needs before anyone else’s and give them the due credit they deserve. Our mothers carrying us in their womb for nine difficult months should be reason enough for them to get the credit of being a good mother. They should not have to carry the “mother guilt” for not playing all the roles we expect them to play. The difficult part of being a mother is not just the birthing part but expectations we burden them with.
I am totally guilty for blaming my mother for not being the mother I expected her to be. It’s high time we give our mothers the freedom to live their lives the way they want to without any guilt attached. I am not a mother so I don’t exactly know what it is like to be one but I seriously believe that our mothers should totally have the right to live life their way. Mothers always sacrifice their share of happiness and life for their children but even if they choose to live their life the way they want they should still get the credit of being a good mother.
Mother is a mother be it someone who knows the best and or doesn’t because every mother tries to give her children the best. I am grateful to my mother that she brought me into this world. Though I did not have her with me while I was growing up but I have always felt her love. She did her best to always love me and give me the best. I remember her trying make it up for all the guilt she was living with for not seeing me grow up. She had no reason be guilty but I had imposed the guilt on her and since she is a mother she took that without much complain. I guess I kept reminding her that she failed as a mother and she kept tolerating my immaturity. Now as a fully grown up woman I realize she did what she knew was the best. As I started living mindfully and reflecting back on my own life I realized the problems that I had in my life were all meant to be and it was never anyone’s fault. They were part of my own journey and were necessary.
However we look at our mothers and whatever perception we have of them we always got to be grateful to them and celebrate them. I am grateful for my mother and I hope and pray that I get to celebrate her life for the rest of my life. The fact that she is a mother is a reason good enough for her to deserve the best.
Happy mothers’ day to all the mothers. You all make me and all the women take pride in being a woman. Thank you for choosing to be a mother.
With love from a daughter,