I was 16 when I first fell in love with one of my best friends. He was exactly the kind of guy I wanted to be in love with. Everything about him was so perfect to the 16 years old me. We had known each other and been class mates since 5th grade and now we were in the 10th grade and in love with each other. After all it was the year we were to write our board exams and to my 16 years old self that was a valid reason to fall in love. As a 16 years old girl I thought that I had figured it out and I was confident that I had found my soul mate. As I reflect back I realize how naive I was and yes I do laugh at myself but my 16 years old self would definitely not like that laugh. So I am going try and make it sound little serious because I don’t mean to disrespect her feelings. However, I have to admit that she was too immature and innocent to have been able to understand life. I know all 16 years old are not immature like I was but I sure was and this is my story. And by no means I am saying that I have figured it all out now but there are certain things I know better now.
In our eight years of relationship together we had made many promises and had been there for each other through the ups and the downs of our lives. In the 8th year of our relationship he started pulling away and started giving me some hints that he didn’t want to be in relationship with me any longer. I didn’t want to understand those hints by any means because I couldn’t imagine not being in relationship with him. After all he was my first love and the movies had me believe that first love can never be forgotten. And I seemed to have watched too many movies (I am glad I did because now I don’t get to watch that many movies). When he made it very clear that he didn’t want to be in relationship anymore it was like my whole world came to a standstill. I couldn’t believe my ears. If I were in a movie there would have been melodramatic music for my situation in the background but this was my real life. No music or rain but just me and my reality. The 24 years old girl inside of me was in need of some help. I thought if someone could die of heart break it could have killed me. I was totally a drama queen in that situation but the pain was real.
I naively kept holding on but I don’t regret that part a bit because I do not have to narrate a story where I have to portray myself as someone who just gave up. I tried everything possible from my end but finally I had to let go as it was doing more harm to both the parties than good. I am grateful for the wisdom to let go.
It’s been six years since my break up and finally I am sharing my story. I have never been able to write about my heartbreak so freely for so long because I didn’t want to write while my wounds were still open. If I would have written about it while my wounds were still open I would have had so much blame and bitterness in me. And since you would be reading just one sided story that would not be fair. Till date I don’t exactly know why he pulled away but now since I am just grateful that he did I don’t have to figure out. My wounds have turned into beautiful scars and now I have a story that may help someone.
I did write a post “wounds turn into scars”. You may to read that post here.
I can now confidently declare that I am no longer the girl who was wounded. Now I am a woman with beautiful scar and the story to share. I am so grateful for the wound because had it not been for the wound I would not have had this beautiful scar. Once I recognized who I am my afflictions started working in my favor. At times certain things seem like affliction in our lives but in reality it is growth. I have learned this very important lesson through all the afflictions life has thrown at me.
The person who broke my heart was not a bad person so he deserves few lines in my story. So yes he was a good human being and he had a role to play in my life. His entry and exit were so well ordained by God and I wasn’t even aware. The heartbreak was necessary to accelerate my growth and he just happened to be the one who had to play that role in my life. Though I have no idea how he is doing or what’s going on in his life but all I have for him are my prayers and best wishes.
Obviously this maturity did not come to me while I was still wounded but as my wound started turning into scar everything started making perfect sense. I came to understand that it was all meant to be and I was in perfect alignment with the purpose of my life. Now as I think about him with these beautiful scars I am nothing but grateful. Had he not broken my heart I wouldn’t have been the person I am today.
The greater the purpose in our life the greater will be the problems attached to it. It was obviously not easy for me to comprehend this fact initially and when I got into that situation it was kind of shocking as I was not prepared for that. I wished life had prepared me for that situation but then I learned I was being prepared for something better which was beyond my understanding back then. I have grown to learn that I am going to encounter afflictions anytime I am about to grow. So anytime I encounter problem now I know there is some greater purpose attached to it.
The heartbreak was just a piece of the puzzle to the bigger picture. Now I know that it was no body’s fault but a very significant part of my journey. I don’t discount the pain of heart breaks at any cost. I know how painful it is but I also know how beautiful life is once you get to the other side of that pain. With this beautiful scar I am testifying that life on the other side of whatever you’re going through is simply awesome .
Thank you for reading my post and now I would like to know the story behind your beautiful scar. And if you are still wounded then all I can say is that it is going to turn into beautiful scar and when that happens you are going to look back and be grateful for the wound that you are walking around with today. And I would like you to remember that great things does not come to the weak, those who need to be accepted, validated or want everybody to like them. It is for people who recognize that every affliction has an opportunity to grow attached to it. It is just a matter of keeping your spiritual eyes open to see the blessing hidden in your affliction.
The girl with beautiful scar,